How many experiences have you put on hold waiting for others to be ready? Ready to support you, ready to leave, ready to decide, ready to do the right thing, ready with the resources you need? We may find this happening with our partner when we want to change something in our lifestyle. Maybe the goal is to start an exercise program. Instead of acting, we wait for them to agree to join us or watch the kids before we start working out. We may be waiting by keeping the big house with the big debt because our adult children are still at home, waiting for them to ‘launch’ instead of downsizing into something meets our budget and changing lifestyle. At work we may be waiting for the boss to give us that next big project that will provide the visibility we know is needed to be positioned for that next promotion. These situations can be as small as a pebble or as big as a brick wall when we want to move forward. What is it that keeps us from acting on our own behalf when we are waiting on others?
As babies and young children, we were unable to meet our own needs and were dependent on our caregivers to respond to what we needed in both little and big ways. This provided our initial experiences of ‘waiting’. As we became older, our ability and capacity to take care of our own needs grew stronger with our caregiver’s guidance and support. Yet some of our caregivers kept themselves as the ‘source’ of what we needed to keep us close to them. Whatever ‘emotion’s we experienced in not getting what we needed when we needed it (e.g. frustration, helplessness, sadness, anger) will tend to be the emotion that comes up as an adult when we must wait on others for what we need. As adults, this unconscious response limits our choices in each moment as we see few options when waiting for others. When we understand that WE are the ones that are responsible for the choices we make and take, new options appear. Instead of waiting to be recognized to get a promotion, we could identify what is needed and propose a new role to tackle it as we are the best one to do that. You’d be shocked at how many times that action ends up in a new position and promotion. Instead of waiting for our partner to join us in our lifestyle change, we can make the change anyway, share the experience and inspire them to join us by our example. Even if they don’t join you, YOU get to enjoy the change.
While these new choices may feel ‘selfish’, they are not. These choices are simply exercising your will over what you DO have control over – YOU. This is ‘true responsibility’, when you take control of what you have control over (your thoughts, emotions, and actions), and see others as capable of doing the same thing. There is no need to ‘wait’ for anyone to change in any way for you to choose what is most loving for you.
How will you stop waiting for others today?
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