Exfoliate & Soften
This wonderful advice for our skin strikes me as such a metaphor for our inner life. As a young woman growing up in California, I was constantly in the sun. I learned that my skin needs to breathe, and my job is to assist it. I would exfoliate in the shower after the pool, after the beach, and eventually every day removing the dry skin that had formed on the outside. After I showered it all off, I made sure to use plenty of good lotion to soften and nourish the newly exposed skin.
Right now, so many of us are exfoliating everything that no longer feels right for us on the inside and it’s changing so many of the things on the outside. It’s changing our relationships with ourselves, with our friends, and our family. It’s changing our jobs, our living situations, and the way we treat ourselves and others. Whether we like it or not, the old is releasing and making way for the new. We are becoming aware of what was hidden from us, and some of it isn’t pretty! How do we release what no longer serves us in a way that doesn’t harm ourselves or others?
When we begin to identify what no longer works for us and find ourselves wanting ‘out’ of old experiences and circumstances, we can become ‘hard’ by leaving, closing our hearts, or closing a door to others or ourselves. Unless we have a self-loving way to honor what works best for us, we find ourselves blaming something, someone, or even ourselves for things changing. Most of us are exfoliating and yet we often forget step two - SOFTENING.
What if the process of growth and expansion requires us to shed what is no longer needed? What if it is a natural process for all living beings? On a physical level, we shed every one of our cells every 7 years. On the mental/emotional level, the longer we have been on the planet in our left-brain, materialistic view of success, the more ‘layers’ we will have to shed. This includes beliefs, habits, values, reactions, and dysfunctional hopes and dreams. How often have you held on to hope for something that has already passed you by or that could only come from another person? What if you could simply let it go?
The ego hates to ‘lose’ anything. The ego will tell you the limiting story: ‘if you let go now, you’ll never have it again’. Whatever the ‘it’ may be. This can drive us to hang on for dear life to every object, idea, plan, feeling, and sensation we experience in fear of never having it again. If we don’t find a way to let go when it’s time and allow the next experience to flow to us, we start playing a smaller and smaller game in life. We hold on to what we already have and know, looking for how to stay safe, comfortable, and the same. Unfortunately, this aversion to change narrows our options and limits our ability to express and contribute our authentic and unique energy to the dance of life. As adults we say things like, ‘imagination and play are just for children’ ‘adults need to focus on putting food on the table,’ or ‘make the world a better place.’ Without our imagination, symbolism, and play, what kind of world are we creating? What kind of help are we offering? What if everyone could let go when it’s time and we could begin to trust that for ourselves and others?
Take a moment to bring to mind something that is releasing from your life. It may be a desire, a way of life, a job, a relationship, food, smoking, alcohol, whatever it is. What is the story your ego tells you about it? What is the ‘loss’ or ‘discomfort’ or ‘pain’ that the ego says you will feel in the future when you think about releasing this experience? What are the emotions that come with that story? What if you could ‘soften’ around that experience right now?
One way we can soften is by bringing our attention back to our body sensations, and away from our thoughts. Simply noticing what our breath is doing. What the physical sensations are right now in our body. None of it is bad or wrong, it just is what’s happening in our now moment experience.
Another way is to soften is to become neutral and curious about the thoughts and feelings moving through. Saying to yourself inside ‘oh, that’s how it is for me, let me slow down, take a breath, and make some space for my experience. I don’t have to change any of it, I get to make more space for it to be OK just the way it is.’
How can you soften and just let go today?